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| Another good one Lisa! A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves. 'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked. 'No, I don't,' she replied. 'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.' She didn't crack a smile. 'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought. But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing. 'What's so funny?' he asked. 'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!' (Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!) -- |
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| Subject: Guts? There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below: GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ''Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'' BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: ''You're next, fatty.'' I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death. |
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| Lisa, I thought I was going to get tipped off yahoo, the original word was pen... so i tried changing it to wanger and that didn't work either. I think this thread is going to be busy. |
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| Good one Magic, ROFLMAO!!! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Two aliens landed in the desert close to Birdsville near old petrol Station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the old petrol pumps and the younger alien Addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The old petrol pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response and the older alien Said, "I'd calm down if I were you." The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's Haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!" The older alien warned his comrade saying, "You don't want to do that! I don't think you should make him mad." "Rubbish," replied the *** y, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the Pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them And blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt Crumpled mess about 200 metres away in a dry creek bed. About a half hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he Refocused his three eyes and straightened his bent antenna and Looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him Shaking his big, green head. "What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien. "He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?" The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his Crispy friend and replied, "If there's one thing I've learned during my Intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a bloke who can wrap his ####is around himself twice and then stick it in his ear!! |
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| Lisa, I laughed out loud, what a great start, you have set the bar high, good one! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Post all your funny jokes here. I'll start with this one, I hope you like it (sorry if it's a bit rude) A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.' Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???' She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.' |
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