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| Davo asks Jacko around for a BBq to celebrate his wifes birthday. Upon arival Davo says to Jacko "come and have a look at what I got for the Missus" Jacko follows him out the back where Davo shows him a ripper new Pup, Jacko says "he's a beauty" "yeah bloody good swap hey" Davo says |
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| Heard it before happi but still gives me a laugh ... tx. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| An Old Drunk walks into a bar with about 10 blokes all standing at the Bar and says to the bartender I'll have a double Scotch and a drink each for the others and have a drink for your self. The bar man hands out the Scotch and the other drinks and poors one himself and says to the drunk thats $46.50 thanks. The drunk necks his drink and says I don't have any money so the Barman takes him out side kicks him up the Ar5e and sends him on his way. About a month later the same drunk walks in and procceeds to order the same Double Scotch for him drinks for the patrons which there was about 15 of this time and a drink for the Bartender. The bar tender didn't think he would be stupid enough to pull the same stunt twice so he did as requested. that will $68.90 thanks. Sorry dont have any money replied the drunk. so the Barman took him out side and roughed him up abit and sent him on his way. About 2 months later the same drunk walks in walks to the bar. the Barman tells him to get out and the drunk replies I have lots of money today and shows him a handful of 50's the bar man says what can I get you. The drunk says I'll have 2 double scotches and I'll buy a round for the the gentlemen here. The bar man says and what no drink for me this time. The drunk replies no way mate you get Violent when you drink |
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| Good one nye ... ROFL ! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| A young would-be gunfighter walks into a saloon and sits down next to an old man with a reputation for being quick on the draw. "Can you give me some tips to become a better gunfighter sir" the kid askes. "Ok son", the man replies "firstly, you've got your gun holstered too high, lower your belt and you'll get a faster draw". The kid lowers his belt and draws his gun, shooting a glass of whiskey off the piano. "fantastic" he says, "what else?" "Well, if you cut a little groove out of your holster, the gun wil slide out without getting caught on the leather" The kid pulls out a knife and does as the man suggested. He then draws his gun again and shoots the hat clean off the piano players head. "Anything else?" he askes the man. "Sure kid, take your gun and cover it in grease - the whole lot, handle and all. Cake it on nice and thick." "Will that help me draw faster?" "No, but as soon as Whyatt Earp gets off that piano, he's gonna shove it up your ar5e!" |
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| Two Garbage Bags A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, 'Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag..' 'Oh, really? Darn!' says the little old lady. 'I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me..' 'Well, now, not so fast,' says the cop. How did you get all that money?' You didn't steal it, did you?' 'Oh, no', says the little old lady. 'You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers.. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes.' 'Well, that seems only fair.' laughs the cop. OK? Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?' 'Well, you know', says the little old lady, not everybody pays. |
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| By: ammmatt Today (11:01 am) Re:funny (PREVIEW) good point nye , now i will say i'm not against electronic entertainment, but bowling .? I mean i play the xbox 360 and i can hardly wander down the road taking out helicopters as i go with a wide ranging a r se nal. ************************* ************************* ********* Geez matt do you really want to do that?! I know a bloke whose name is Dave and he knows a good place where you can do that. Have to travel further than the local bowling though mate but plenty of helicoptwers and plane to shoot out of the sky and they have the weaponry similar to your game. lol |
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| By: nye_ninch Today (9:09 am) That IS a crazy idea! Jeez, soon you'll be saying people should make face to face contact with friends, read a book or get some actual exercise! :P ************************* ************************* ********* Friends and exercise is for AFTER work and weekends nye, didn't you know that. |
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| good point nye , now i will say i'm not against electronic entertainment, but bowling .? I mean i play the xbox 360 and i can hardly wander down the road taking out helicopters as i go with a wide ranging a r se nal. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I used to be in different internet leagues for cards & stuff during my time at uni - mainly euchre. I used to do my assignments between tournaments, play 1 tournament and then take an hour to write something, or just sit in the room talking to people between paragraphs - was very good at doing that about 1 or 2am when I should have been sleeping. I'm sticking it out on the net today to see who wins at the Golden Globes, no free to air coverage this yr, at least this way I can see who wins. |
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| Hahahaha good point! I am actually working while I do this, I find the message boards assist in getting my brain to work. In the good old days of uni I would be doing assignments and playing solitaire. When I'm not working I am nowhere near a computer - EVER! :P |
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| You mean instead of spending time on internet message boards talking about sport? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| That IS a crazy idea! Jeez, soon you'll be saying people should make face to face contact with friends, read a book or get some actual exercise! :P | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| here's acrazy idea.... how about just going bowling.??? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| And that is why you wear the wrist strap, hold onto the remote and make sure you are 4 to 5 feet from the tv when play so that you limit the likelihood of something like that happening. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Wii Fail. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Who likes Wii ?? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrrvkPo7TZ4 |
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| Hi Deb,Sorry about that.I had to put it in,I thought it was very good.You know I don't mind the Tigers.I reckon if Cuz stays fit,you may well have an asset.You already have extra members because of him. Cheers Dave. |
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| Dave that is seriously not like you | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Apologies if this is old,but I only just heard it. What does a Tasmanian virgin and the Richmond football club have in common? Eventually they're both going to get fu.ked by cousins. Seriously though,I hope he does the right thing at the RFC. Cheers Dave. |
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| FED-UP soccer fans are boycotting Keanu Reeves' new sci-fi thriller - because their stadium gets blown up by aliens in it. Well Ted Bullpit did say "soccer should be blown up" onya Ted. |
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| http://www.sockandawe.com/ | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| MESSAGE TO THE AUSTRALIAN PUBLIC > > > The federal government is giving some of us $1000 > childcare bonuses. > > > If we spend that money at K-Mart, the money will go to > China . > > If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs, if > we purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan, > > If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to > Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala, > > If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan, > > If we purchase useless *** it will go to Korea and > none > of it will help the Australian economy. > > If we put it into Telstra, it will go towards wages in > India.......... > > > The only way to keep that money here at home is to > spend > it on prostitutes gambling and beer, since these are the > only products still produced in Australia . > > > Thank you for your help. > > Kevin Rudd & Wayne Swan . > (Australian Prime Minister & Australian Treasurer) |
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| And for the one you missed Nikki that was TOP S H I T | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| And remember, once you know your *** , you don't need to know anything else!! You could pass this along, if you give a *** ; or not do so if you don't give a *** ! Well *** , it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a *** and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of *** . But, if you happened to catch a load of *** from some *** -head.......... Well, *** Happens!!! |
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