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| Having an important function to attend recently my wife walked in holding 6 or 7 assorted outfits asking.. Hun, what would i look best in"? "The local cemetery" came the reply.. And that's when the fight started.... |
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| A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her. Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a Couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'. 'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news first?' The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.' The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit Of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share.' He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it. 'Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and All that... So what's the other possible good news? 'Well', the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o' *** and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again! |
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| no rbrown's is Diahearea. gives everyone the sh@ts |
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| Hey Dees was the No3 son's original name RBrownoze | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Big Chief Sitting Bull has three sons. In the usual native indian tradition they are formally named upon coming of age at the usual initiation ceremonies. No 1 son's day arrives and the Big Chief proudly names him "Fighting Falcon" His youngest and most impetuous son nags his father "Dad, when are you gonna give me my name uh? when uh? Uh? He is tactfully ignored. No 2 son's day arrives a while later. The Big Chief proudly announces "I name my number 2 son Swift Eagle" Once again the youngest son nags the hell out of his father, when is my naming day dad, when uh? when? when? What are you going to call me dad? huh dad? huh? Once again Big Chief Sitting Bull sits patiently quiet. Eventually, his youngest son's day arrives: "I name my third son Baby Thrush" Naturally, his son is rather puzzled. "Dad my brothers are named after big and fierce fighting birds, but why am I called a Baby Thrush? The father turns to him slowly and says: "Because you are an annoying little carnt" |
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| got it kinger, thanks mate.. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| haha an ethipian with a mouth full of meat and she is only going to swallow the juice? come on! |
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| How would you know? Sick c*** Q) How do you kill 100 flies at once? A) Hit an Ethiopian in the head with a frying pan |
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| haha better make sure she doesn't have teeth cos she will probably bite as well! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Q) What's the best thing about an Ethiopian headjob? A) You know she'll swallow |
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| Don't think too much kinger, you might get hurt :P | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Now thats scary!!!!!!!!! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I think he looks up to me a bit like how rbrown looks up to fitzy PMSL |
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| its not the only serious case he is suffering :) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Apologies to everyone except kinger, must've been the brekkie beers | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| erik, KO has a serious case of "deja vu" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| isc - have e-mailed it to you, let me know if you received it? | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Kiwi - are you highlighting the ones you liked out of the ones I posted? :) | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" And that's when the fight started.... |
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| My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started.... |
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| A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe & goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eyes & takes a sip of his coffee What's the matter, dear? she whispers as she steps into the room, Why are you down here at this time of night? The husband looks up from his coffee, Its the 20th anniversary of the day we met. She cant believe he has remembered & starts to tear up. The husband continues, Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 & you were only 16 he says solemnly. Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring & sensitive. Yes, I do, she replies. The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car? Yes, I remember, said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued. Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face & said, Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years? I remember that, too, she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, I would have gotten out today |
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| Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?' And then the fight started ... |
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| I rear-ended a car this morning... So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! --(Little Person!!!)-- He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started..... |
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| One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And then the fight started |
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| kinger, can you email that one to me? Has to be shared with a much wider audience! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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