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| Lol dawson.I cracked up at that comment.I feel stupid larfing at the computer when im here alon. Btw for your wife not to let u near her,u must of done something wrong |
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| scarps, if I go within 10 feet of my wife she has threatedned to down me with an elephant gun.. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| avagoodone Lisa. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I think most of u guys on here(daws and gt)need some loving. Get off the god damn computer and go get ya partners |
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| Well next time I'm lucky (orgasm) then I'm gonna call out LASAGNA or SCARPI !! Think I've been on the 'puter too long today, so after that little outburst might just toodle off and do some housework ... might put the dishes away ;) |
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| What's the height of conceit? A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name Thats something brown would say/do |
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| Thats something brown would say/do | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Q. What is a Yankee? A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common? A. They both like a tight seal. |
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| gt - I thought rbrown was a yankee | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Q. What's the definition of macho? A. Jogging home from your vasectomy. Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball Q.Why is divorce so expensive? A. Because it's worth it! |
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| Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. Q. What's a mixed feeling? A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. Q What's the height of conceit? A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name |
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| I liked it ... suppose we have now worked out Browny's heritage. ****** go home ! |
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| orright - I enjoyed it and so did the pom that I work with | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| fella i didnt think that was too funny | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has .h.i.t Pakistan. Two million Pakist.a.ni.s have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock. The USA is sending troops to help. Saudi Arabia is sending oil. Latin American countries are sending supplies. New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops. The Asian continents are sending labour to assist in rebuilding infrastructure. Australia is sending medical teams and supplies. Britain, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Pakist.a.n.i.s . |
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| Bottle of Wine A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways. After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers. The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.' Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault....women shouldn't be allowed to drive.' The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.' She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man. The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?' The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police....' MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are clever, evil *** es. Don't mess with them. |
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| When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids. Took her out with one punch. My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed. "It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me. A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age." "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!" I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning." He replied, "No, just having a sh1t ." Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in. I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. How could anyone stoop so low? I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?" |
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| I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective. How cool is that at her age?! I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop w@nking. When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!" I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends? A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a d1ldo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a d1ck like that." I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits. |
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| Testicle Therapy Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in Horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately degan to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him. 'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position,still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'? He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken! |
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| If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes. When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. |
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| Proof that Men Have Better Friends. Friendship among Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. Friendship among Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there |
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| Lipstick in School (You've got to love this Principal) Clever huh? According to a news report, a certain private school in Brisbane was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the Principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers.... and then there are educators |
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| John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day, John came home with another one of his unusual Purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was just about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 Year old son returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 Hours late. "Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours Late getting home?" they asked. "Several of us went to the Library to work on an extra credit project" said Tommy. The Robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely Out of his chair. "Son, this robot is a lie detector. Now tell us where you went after school." "We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." "What did you watch?" asked Marsha. "The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy. The Robot went around to Tommy and once again Slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am Sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen." "I'm ashamed of you Son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot then walked around to John and delivered a Roundhouse right that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. "Boy, did You ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!" The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, And slapped her three times. |
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| McDonalds have announced a new breakfast The Nadya Suleman meal 14 eggs, no sausage Cost : free - everyone else pays for you |
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| The Seamus one is an oldie but a goodie. I'm fine LOL ! |
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