By: pinotnow
21/04/2008
5:13 pm Yahoo! Profile:
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You hear of so many celebrities divorcing, and everyone knows one or two everyday people who've been through the wringer. Divorce rates hang around 30% (though I take that statistic with a grain of salt as it's comparative to how many get married in a year, and the ever popular defacto relationships are not taken into account) which is a much higher rate than the occurence of extramarital affairs and domestic violence etc.
So, the question is, if most people "keep it in their pants" and "keep their hands to themselves" then why do so many marriages fall apart?
Feel free to "theorise", tell a story, or put your two bob's worth in. |
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By: lilacz_09
21/04/2008
5:21 pm Yahoo! Profile:
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| I think it's a problem of selfishness and self centredness. A good marriage means more 'give' than 'take' and good communication. |
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By: caulfield.king
21/04/2008
5:23 pm Yahoo! Profile:
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Communication (or more accurately the lack of it), and an unwillingness to adapt. Quite a few of our friends have gone through divorces and are on their second or third marriages. In just about all cases it's because one partner or the other (normally the male) doesn't communicate properly.
I think people also forget that the needs of their partners change over time. The person you married 5 or ten years ago will have different needs now.
Which reminds me it's our wedding anniversary tomorrow so might go a bit overboard on the flowers this week.
hmm anniversary sex !!! |
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By: unclefatso01
21/04/2008
5:28 pm Yahoo! Profile:
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| The sex was great - it didn't last - that'd be it in a nutshell. Or she married me then tried to change me. |
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By: samchic86
21/04/2008
5:47 pm Yahoo! Profile:
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Its hard to generalise an opinion on this topic.
I believe ppl are rushing quickly into these things, spending to much money all on that DREAM wedding.
It all about gimme gimme gimme..
I think you need to be with each other for a number of years, understanding and coping with each others differences etc.
You need to 'test run' living together for a bit too i think.
I dont want to get married for a LONG time, its not a light decision in my eyes and not something i want to have fall apart later in life. |
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By: mrsron1
21/04/2008
5:47 pm Yahoo! Profile:
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You must have love, communication, honesty, trust, and respect to have a good marriage. Sorry, sweetheart, if you don't have these five things, your marriage is doomed.
You have to talk to each other...not at each other.
Say what you mean...don't make the partner guess what you are trying to say. You have to let your partner know that he/she is the most important person in your life.
There should be equal committment...equal sharing in the running of the household and child care.
Don't have the idea that if only the husband/wife would change, everything would be fine...Maybe you are the one who needs to change.
Don't take your marriage for granted...compliment your partner, show your appreciation for what your partner does for you. Nothing is more important than your marriage...that goes for work, in-laws, friends, material things, or anything that could threaten your happiness together. |
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By: pinotnow
21/04/2008
6:03 pm Yahoo! Profile:
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| Interesting that you say that, Mrs Ron. My hubby has a gripe with me at the moment because he says that I think my business is more important than him. I try to say otherwise, but hey, what goes in one ear sometimes goes straight out the other! |
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By: pinotnow
21/04/2008
6:05 pm Yahoo! Profile:
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"I believe ppl are rushing quickly into these things, spending to much money all on that DREAM wedding."
Yep, we only spent $6,000 and that was a swish day, but some of my friends spent as much as $30,000. That's a deposit on a house!
Then some people put all their efforts into the wedding, but forget to put the same work into their marriage. Hence this thread. |
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By: leeethal2
21/04/2008
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| You have delve deeper Pino to find out why he feels that way, not sure I have an ansswer because I had the same issues, But is it because you don't switch off, does he feel threatened by it etc etc? Maybe you are not having as much fun together,no time for hanky panky?? not sure, these are all just ideas, you would know better than me. |
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By: pinotnow
21/04/2008
6:17 pm Yahoo! Profile:
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As far as the "hanky panky" department goes, I want it all the time, rain hail or shine! Other than that we don't have much fun together because I only have one day off a week, which lately he's liked to spend either arguing with me or giving me the silent treatment.
I've now come to the point where I'm tired of taking the blame for the circumstances we're facing and he needs to change his attitude quicksmart. Then we can start having fun again, like he wants. |
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By: schwang2000
21/04/2008
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| I think a lot of people think it's all over after the wedding. I've seen a lot of girls my age who got married talked about the "fairytale wedding" etc. But at the end of the fiarytale the story's over, nothing else happens. They forget to tell the bit about how the wife got fat, the husband got spotty, the kids were horrible little s h i t s, the mortgage was too big to pay, the job got REAL boring ten years ago, etc etc etc People thing that if they marry the person of their dreams then they'll live happily ever after, but it doesn't happen, so they get divorced. My wife wasn't the woman of my dreams, she was the perfect PARTNER. That's what marriage is about, it's not about romance. Not ALL about romance. it's about two people working together FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES!!! |
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By: leeethal2
21/04/2008
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Can't offer you any advice there really Pinot.. I was the same too, no troubles in the old hanky panky dept, seemed things went really pear shaped when my career took off, jealousy perhaps? Don't know honey, best to speak to a good friend who knows you both, as I never resolved mine :(
You sound like a lovely lady though, would be nice to see you happy, and you sound like you love your Hubby. |
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By: crazymum_45
21/04/2008
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| we celebrate our 25th this October, and over the years we have had our share of good times and bad. But would never change a thing. We are happy, have survived the passing of two of our parents, raised two great kids, and are now at that time in our lives to spend time on US!! The secrets? No secrets - just lots of love, understanding, compassion, trust, friendship and a willingness to work through things together... something most ppl today don't take the time or effort to do.... here's to another wonderful 25 years together ... xx |
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By: everyonesentitledtomyopinion
21/04/2008
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| Communication's the most important thing. Also, neither party can be selfish. Once you start thinking about yourself and yr own needs above that of yr partner/family, then yr in trouble. I think too, the stress of paying a mortgage with the likely hood that both parties have to work add a huge strain to any marriage these days. |
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By: wearetwofatfarmers
21/04/2008
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| People dont communicate properly and dont show there love to one another after a period of time..i have found that my wife and i always seem to be laughing and having a good time even when we are working together and working hard we can still manage a laugh or two..we didnt waste so much money on a flash wedding we got married twice once in Australia and once in Japan..for the reason of too many people to travel overseas,,,,,i am lucky i have found my perfect partner and lover..no divorce for us thats for sure... |
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By: panda4koala
21/04/2008
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| people get bored of each other! |
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By: steve_ropa
21/04/2008
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| why do so many marriages fall apart? because they were not put together right in the first place. i am not being smart, marriage is a life-time commitment but in most cases the couples involved have motives other then life together |
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By: lisajones35
21/04/2008
8:42 pm Yahoo! Profile:
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Marriages fall apart for all sorts of reasons.
I can only comment on my own experience. Mine fell apart because I married an insecure control freak. 5 years max was all I could put up with and I left with the help of family and friends (and these people had not been allowed to communicate with me for those 5 yrs of hell).
I've never looked back and I'm finally enjoying life again :) |
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By: manof.manyfaces
21/04/2008
8:50 pm |
Message deleted. Reason: Profanity |
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By: mikphllps
21/04/2008
8:52 pm Yahoo! Profile:
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one reason i would think why people divorce is that one or both parties went into the marriage with unrealistic expectations.
then when reality unfolded and it did not equate with the unrealistic expectations, KABOOM. |
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By: lisajones35
21/04/2008
8:56 pm Yahoo! Profile:
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one reason i would think why people divorce is that one or both parties went into the marriage with unrealistic expectations.
Very true Mik Phillips.
I went into the marriage expecting love, sincerity, honesty and respect. Such were my unrealistic expectations :( |
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By: swampyparty
21/04/2008
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| mother in laws |
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By: lisajones35
21/04/2008
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| OOooh yeah, I've heard some horror stories about mother in laws from hell! |
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By: mikphllps
21/04/2008
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I went into the marriage expecting love, sincerity, honesty and respect. Such were my unrealistic expectations :(
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these aren't unrealistic expectations Lisa. They're essential expectations and non-negotiable.
Sounds the like the other party didn't live up to his duties. |
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By: lisajones35
21/04/2008
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these aren't unrealistic expectations Lisa. They're essential expectations and non-negotiable.
Sounds the like the other party didn't live up to his duties.
I know this now Mik Phillips, but at the time, my self esteem and confidence was at an all time low.
Sadly Mik, he didnt even want to sit down and talk about it either despite the many requests by me to do so. I gave him 5 yrs to reconsider his position as I really wanted the marriage to work. I was genuine when I made those wedding vows and I wanted the marriage to work.
In the end the physical abuse he dished out for me made me realise I had no choice but to end the marriage. I woke up one morning and thought I deserve better than this so I left. The divorce papers and an AVO were served on him soon after. |
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