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| A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about the next day's final exam. He said there would be no acceptable excuses for failing to show up to the exam, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One male student raised his hand and asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The students in the classroom burst into laughter, and after subsiding the teacher glared at the student and said "That's no excuse, you can use your other hand to write." Brian |
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| Jason, You don't get the full feeling that you are used to, however you won't feel hungry. The band works on your stomach but not your head, so you might get head hunger which you will learn to control. Brian |
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| Hey PJ Does the band make you feel full... depends. Most people I have spoken to say yes, some say no it doesn't it just stops you eating too much. I am hoping when i get mine done in the new yr i am one of the guys who does feel full, i would hate to be hungry and unable to fix it! Jason |
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| C'mon guys, new jokes needed. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| That is what I wanted to hear...I am in a poor cycle of not much exercise because of my weight and I used to enjoy mt exercise :( - but I still want to enjoy myself a bit, I would go crazy eating Tofu and sipping light milk... I enjoy feeling full, in layman's terms, does the band basically restrict the size of your stomach so you feel full quicker? |
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| Paul, I had the exact same fears as you. I had the band 4 months ago now, I have lost 32 kilos to date and last weekend i still enjoyed a carton of beer spread over the weekend. Additionally i had some pizza on saturday, poached eggs on toast for breaky and played cricket on Sunday (couple beers there too). I am not yet at full restriction but what i am finding is that i can enjoy eveything i enjoyed prior to the operation but just in smaller amounts i.e I had one and a bit pieces of pizza not a whole large one, two eggs not 5, 8 - 9 beers a night not twenty (although i could have kept going) etc. I thought i would feel like i was missing out but it actually is quite the opposite, I do not feel i am even on a diet but am continuing to lose weight. go figure but i am FU*%EN STOKED!!!! I have also picked up my exercise during the week tenfold but in the end i feel like normal!!!!! |
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| So in reality, how much does your lifestyle change after the surgery? - I have read much about liquid diets and normal foods just in smaller amounts, what is the general go from people that have had this done? I am a bloke that enjoys a beer, likes good food and enjoys my golf...what should I expect as the 'norm' after surgery? - no beer, no good food or OK in moderation?...what are the signs that your body has had enough...heartburn or something similar? BTW, John Daly is my inspiration for going down this track...if he can do it then...... Cheers, -Paul. |
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| Hi Greg, Yes, I used to work at IBM there...Norwest Business Park. |
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| C'mon guys, new jokes needed. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Hey Paul, you and I may have crossed paths before. Did you work at Baulkham Hills a few years back? I have just been banded last week. Greg |
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| pjordison, 1. Depends on the indivdual with carbonated drinks. If you run the band really tight beer etc can be a bit hard to get down. Also doctors are not too keen on a lot of fizzy drinks as the gases can stretch the small pouch. Also beer is bad for weight loss. 2. You could not play full contact sport such as rugby league or union, but tennis, basket ball etc is fine. 3. Pain is not bad at all. A bit of sholder tip pain for a few days. 4. I had a game of golf after about 3 weeks I think but probably two would be okay. Cheers Terry |
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| So to the important questions (obviously my investigative skills are pretty poor :)) 1. Beer drinking...how affected does this get post-surgery? 2. Does the lap-band impact ability to play sport? 3. Being a bloke I hate pain...what is the pain like for this surgery? 4. How long after surgery will I be off the golf course? Thanks in advance :) |
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| for Paul | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Poor old Harry is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sixually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a blinding flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '1, 2, 3,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" "All you or your partner has to say is '1, 2, 3, 4,' and it will go down. But be warned: It will not work again for another year." Excitedly Harry rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise his wife. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion and cologne. Once he has readied himself, is in bed and is lying next to her, he takes a deep breath and says, "1, 2, 3" and, in an instant, he becomes harder and more aroused than anytime in his whole life - just as the medicine man had promised. He reaches over and caresses his wife, who had been facing away from him and, as he begins to stroke her, she turns over and asks, "What did you say '1, 2, 3' for??" |
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| Good on ya Jabbs, Well Done, Louise | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Well done Jabbs and well done with the joke too :) Brian |
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| Fellas Got on the scales this morning and have hit my first goal of 30 kgs lost!!! in 13 weeks.... That deserves a joke> A woman goes into a store to buy her son a fishing rod for his birthday. She selects one and heads up to the register to pay. She asks the attendant if her selection was a good choice for her son. The attendant replies and says " Sorry Maam i completely blind, but if you drop your selection on the counter i will hear it and tell you" So she does this and drops the rod and reel with a clunk. the attendant replies " Thats and Jarvis Walker 2000! and a very good selection, that will be $42 dollars thanks. The womans says "Thats amazing" and proceeds to pay> in the process she drops her credit card. The attendant says " Visa card Lite!" Amazed by this she stands up straight quickly and in the process accidently releases a pressure f a r t. The Attendant says " That will be $53.00 thanks" The woman says" I thought you said $42.00?" The attendant replies " Yes thats $42.00 for the reel, $6.00 dollars for the duck whistle and $5.00 for the bag of Blood and Bone"!! LOL |
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| Melbourne Zoo had acquired a female of a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The Gorilla was on heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available. While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Graham, a big Kiwi lad & former All Black, responsible for fixing the Zoo's machinery. Graham, like most Kiwis, seemed to be possessed with ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.. So the Zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Graham was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500? Graham showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Graham announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions: 'Fust,' he said, 'I don't want to have to kuss er.' 'Sicondly, you must niver niver tull anyone about thus.' The Zoo manager quickly agreed and asked what his third condition was. 'Wull,' said Graham, 'You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500. ' |
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| Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!" | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| lol........... good one Col!!! Janette |
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| After a British Airways flight reached its cruising altitude, the Captain announced: 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, Non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto . The weather ahead is good, so We should have a smooth, uneventful flight... So sit back, relax and ...... HOLY CHIT !' Silence followed. Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom. 'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in My lap. You should see the front of my pants!' One Irish passenger yelled, 'For Fook sake!, you should see the back of mine!' |
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| An Irish man went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church. > 'Father Wally', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last > confession. I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.' > Father Wally told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail > Mary's.' > > Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. 'Father Wally, > it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Fanny > Green twice a week for the past two months.' > This time, Father Wally questioned, 'Who is this Fanny Green?' > 'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied. > 'Very well,' sighed Father Wally. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.; > > At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a > tall, > Voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The > eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the > aisle and sat down right in front of Father Wally. Her dress was green and > very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes. > Father Wally and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and > matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just > enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear. > Father Wally turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Fanny Green?' > The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly > reply, 'No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes'. > |
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| Brian, I'm several of the 87% Terry |
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| I'm one of the 87% Brian |
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| The Poll is currently YES 87% NO 15% | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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