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| Joke of the Day An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family." No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again all was quiet. Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets." The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared. |
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| Thought of the Day Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first. Brian |
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| Hi Jen I met u about 2 mths ago at Dr Dolans office where I was asking him to do a bypass on me and he said yes. Well my big day ia in 1 week now and i just want to find out from people about the few days in hospital and if nutrients don't get absorbed then how does multi tabs get absorbed? |
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| Thanks Marion, it's hard to button up my pants...how embarressing. Just hope the shoulder thing toddles off soon, as it's driving me nuts. I've never had it before and you guys were not exaggerating when you said it hurt..youch! Have fun with your new trainer, glad you liked pump, i'll be starting that soon once i'm over this. Jen |
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| Jen I think you are probably retaining fluid, it should settle over the next couple of weeks. Brian I love that joke of the day, out of the mouths of babes! LOL |
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| Met my new trainer, Tim, this morning. It was just a meet and greet so that he could find out a bit about me. He seems nice, I have training sessions booked for Tuesday and Thursday next week. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Hidey ho, how is everyone? Shoulder tip pain sucks, my left shoulderblade and shoulder is so painful when I lie down and it's keeping me awake. Grrr, hope it passes soon. I went out for the first time today and oh my what a relief to be out and about, I thought I was losing my sanity being trapped at home. Well its nice to be moving around a little better, now to squeeze back into my jeans again, I seem to have put on about 4kg with the surgery...what's that about? Okay enough of my whingeing, hope your all well. Jen |
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| Part 2 Who's the boss at your house? 1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because Dad's such an idiot. 2. Mum.You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed. 3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad. What's the difference between Mums & Dads? 1. Mums work at work and work at home and Dads just go to work at work. 2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them. 3.. Dads are taller & stronger, but Mums have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's. 4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine. What does your Mum do in her spare time? 1. Mothers don't have spare time. 2. To hear her talk, she pays bills all day long. What would it take to make your Mum perfect? 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery. 2. You know, her hair. I'd die it, maybe blue. If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be? 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that. 2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me. 3. I would like her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head. |
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| Why did God make mothers? 1. She's the only one who knows where the sticky tape is. 2. Mostly to clean the house. 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born. How did God make mothers? 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring. 3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts. What ingredients are mothers made of ? 1.. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean. 2. They had to get their start from mens bones. Then they mostly use string, I think. Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mum? 1. We're related. 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's Mums like me. What kind of little girl was your Mum? 1. My Mum has always been my Mum and none of that other stuff. 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy. 3. They say she used to be nice. What did Mum need to know about Dad before she married him? 1. His last name. 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? 3. Does he make at least £800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores? Why did your Mum marry your Dad? 1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot. 2. She got too old to do anything else with him. 3. My Grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on. |
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| Thought of the Day Don't care what people say Just follow your own way Don't give up and lose the chance To return to innocence |
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| That's great Marion! Keep up the good work and you'll keep on top of it all. vikki |
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| Morning Vikki dear, I'm off to the gym this morning to meet up with a new trainer. Need to get my butt into gear. Marion |
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| Good morning! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Thanks B Thinking of you and your family K Yes focus on 'Living in the 70's' Jen. ( how exciting! ) How are you going now Felice? vikki |
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| Thanks for the Joke Brian, very good. Marion, thanks for the tip, after I went back to bed after posting the earlier message I propped myself up with some cushions and that helped. Vikki, they climb over the mess they leave on the best of days so they won't know theres anything different around here...lol. Hubby's getting some groceries tonight and i'm doing lots of loads of washing for him to hang out..teehee, hes gonna love me. I've given myself a good slap and must focus on that fact that I will be over this in a short time and can get on with getting into the 70's. Woohoo. Jen |
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| Morning All, Just a quick hello as I am logging in at work (slaps hand) Am working in Perth for a while and can see Jacobs Ladder from way up here - as close to the ladder I will get for a while - stupid ankle. Can I have some good thoughts for my families please as my cousin took his own life Monday night and I am struggling a little with flashbacks to my brother dying earlier this year. He was troubled and I keep telling myself that he may now find the peace he was looking for. Hugs to all K |
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| Joke of the Day Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but are real easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along. The one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree. Now, men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the *** out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. Brian |
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| Thought of the Day - For Jen "The best six doctors anywhere And no one can deny it Are sunshine, water, rest, and air Exercise and diet. These six will gladly you attend If only you are willing Your mind they'll ease Your will they'll mend And charge you not a shilling." |
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| Moning all, Gorgeous day for a walk! Yes B I've noticed you've been posting some "suitable for boys only jokes" in the boys thread...but surely you have some funnies for us. I really miss the TOTD! Jen don't worry about what didn't get done before you rushed off to hospital. Ask for some help for groceries etc if you need. I'm sure your friends up there would be more than happy to sort that for you...swallow your pride! Cleaning and tidying will wait ( yeh unfortunately ) AND your boys will survive stepping over their toys and eating on beans on toast ( as Marion said ) for a few days. Just rest up as that is what is important. Hope that the ozzing stops soon. You might need to see someone about that as you don't want an infection on top of all you've been thru. I have some Tramadol here if you are desperate as I'm sure I'll get some more in a fortnight when I go in for my surgery. ( geeee peddling drugs now! ) Well I should get back to some house work...it has got away on me. In fact it seems to always do that! LOL Enjoy the rest of your day. vikki |
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| Jen you poor thing. That drain site doesn't sound good. I had the should tip pain for about a week after my band removal. I found that if I got Steve to rub Dencorub into my shoulder it helped a lot, can you get hubby to do that for you? I would forget the cooking and cleaning, it can wait. Live on cheese sandwiches or toast! LOL Hope you feel better really soon. Hugs Marion |
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| Hello guys, thanks for the well wishes. How long does the shoulder tip pain last for? Its keeping me awake as it's in my shoulder blades and I can only lay on my back. Feeling a bit blurgh as i'm half way through my pack of tramadol and not sure how i'll cope when I run out of it. Mostly hurts in my belly button and where the drain was, and everytime I remove the dressing where the drain is, liquid gushes out so i'm changing it quite a few times day. Feeling a bit crabby as it was a rush to jump on the cancellation list that I was not org *** ed at home, so trying to fudge along with keeping up with cooking/cleaning and getting kids to school and yet I am grateful for getting in sooner....aaargh, i'm just disagreeable. Please post a joke Brian, I need a laugh...I think I left my humour in the hospital... Jen |
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| Yes The weather is great Karen. so glad you are getting back into it. We planned to walk today , but ended up eating Sharon's curry & yummy cake,& then some.will have to not eat tomorrow . Jen hope that shoulder tip pain settles. Marion you missed out today.I think you will have to bring a whip on Monday Lol Ali |
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| The weather is awesome and going to stay that way for a week. make a walking plan and stick to it. do not think of it as exercise, I sure as hell do not. It is just yummy out there right now, and it is like riding a bike you do not forget. I thought having had such a long break from my daily walks that it would kill me going back to them. But it was honestly easy peasy. I as always HATE that 1km mark I just hit a wall then for some odd reason, but a few 100 m later and I am fine again. Walked the male of the species and son to the gym today 2km each way and it was the son telling me to slow down hehehehe those theme parks will not kill me I wont let em ;) applesauce |
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| We have every faith in you now that you have some fill back in. Brian |
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| Went to see Dolan, he put the 2mls back in. But I had put on weight. Bug ger. Weight when sick was 76 am now back to 80 but will try hard to loose again :( Can feel the restriction already. |
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