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| Hi Leethal I had the same problem when I went through my separation and unfortunately it may not be the only thing that you will have cooperation with. I struggled with many areas with my ex, including movies, bedtimes, homework etc etc. At the end of the day I learned that try as I might their father was supportive of most rules that were expected of my children with me. This best advice that I can give is to focus more on your daughter. My son was in year 2 and I seemed to have mafe a lot of progress by sitting now down and having a good chat about what I expect of him, regardless off where he is. Your daughter is obviously smart and that little bit older than my son at the time, so I am sure you will meet with some success. Explaining to my son that I cannot have my eyes on him all the time but there are rules that must be kept in check when away from home. For eg: he said I cant help it if dad put a "M rated movie on" to which I replied that :This is fine , Leave the room and just tell dad you are not allowed to watch M movies and tell him to call you when its finished" I gave up trying to pursue something with his dad re rules etc.. if I had I didnt have the support I needed when was with him I a sure as hell aint going to get it now. I pretty much gave my kids the trust talk and how important it is to follow the rules ..... I hope all works out well with you, I can say my job became a lot easier when I placed the responsibility on the one that I could reason with...GOOD LUCK |
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| Is there a way you can get your daughetr to WANT to do her homework when she goes to her dad's? Maybe you might have to resort to a reward chart or something similar where if she shows you that all her work is done when she gets back from her dad's then she gets a certain amount of points or something and when she has reached a particular number/level then she can choose a reward or continue saving up her points for a bigger reward? |
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| I know how it is, my husband is the same. I really think it comes down to most men, not thinking reading / writing etc are too important. Us women think differently, our thoughts are get a good education, a good job and be able to support yourself and not have to rely on anyone. And we want our children the same. Another issue is what is your ex's education - my husband himself is the first to admit he was not good at school, didnt finish highschool etc. And believes he turned out ok. He doesnt see the 'big picture' or the 'future' for our boys. Also, the best approach I have found with my boys, is to make homework fun, after working all day, and exhaustion, I really cannot be bothered sometimes, but make myself make their homework fun, because in the end it will get done faster, then if I had to argue them into doing it. Good luck |
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| btw when I quiz my daughter gently about it, she says Daddy never asks her to do her homework, mostly he just watches TV with Grannie(she goes to granny's for access visits), and lets her play by herself in the back room, or goes to the pub with his brothers and leaves her with her cousins. It's wierd though because he travels 400k or so every three weeks to see her, and then shows little interest. I can't figure it out. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| I am a single Mum now as you may have guessed. I have a bright little girl, and although I am not one of those painful Mum's who treat their child like a hothouse flower. I do send her to a private school, which is major investment, because she is smart. and so far she loves the place and is thriving. The problem is though, whenever she goes on access visits ot her Dad, he never gets her to do her assignments etc, making lame excuses every time about it, Oh she was upset Blah, Blah Blah. I never have had this trouble encouraging her to do her work, and am starting to think this is passive aggressive behaviour on his part(he has done that for years) What to do? She is only in Grade 4 right now, but work i starting to ramp up already, I'm worried that if this trend continues much longer she will suffer for it. I need to nip it in the bud now. |
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